My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
