margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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