It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
