I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
