I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize