I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
