DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
