I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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