smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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