when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
