He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
