she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
