I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
