and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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