he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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