it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
