I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
