Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
