People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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