Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
