Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its not stalking. its research.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
