apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
