There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
