Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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