3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
