if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
