The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
