Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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