when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
