i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
