Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
