omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
