did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
