My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
