Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
