you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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