Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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