he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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