I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
