she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize