well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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