Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
