every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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