At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
