im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize