How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
