okay pat passed out under dana's car
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
