she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
