I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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