I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
