1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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