So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's always time for handjobs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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