eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
