dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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