i think my tv is drunk
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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