Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
