Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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