Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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