Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
