So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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