I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
