I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
