I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
