he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
