all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize