So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my being single is dangerous.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
