That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
