i don't like sucking hair
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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