Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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