I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
