new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
