A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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