Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
