Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
