Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
