It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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