It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Someone came in the potted fern
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
