a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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