I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
